2025 was a difficult year for many people. In the traditional Chinese calendar, the year of the snake is one of shedding things that do not serve or belong to us. In my case it was a sixty-year-old offshore engineer with a penchant for much younger women.
It was without a doubt the hardest year of the thirty-nine so far. The unexpected breakup of my long-term relationship absolutely rocked me to my core. I’ve come out on the other side grateful it happened but damn did it hurt.
The great thing is I learned a lot about me and my ego this year. I’m pretty sure I reverted to my 26-year-old self for a bit, and boy howdy, was she a judgmental, impatient lady. I even found myself on the cobblestone streets of my old city, wearing a peace sign necklace and cowboy boots, glaring at an absolute jerk of a bouncer (he was mean to my dog) while telling him he was a small, small man. Real classy, Jess.
Breakups come with a certain amount of reflection, emotional spirals, and soundtracks. Mine was no different. (A huge shout out to Rose Betts and her album There is No Ship for getting me through the bleakest bits.) Listen to it. That is a command, not a suggestion.
There I was on my favorite stretch of the American coast, blasting Rose, wondering what was next as I had been removed from my home, my garden beds, and raising my remaining stepchild (that’s been the hardest part of this). I was already in the process of launching the Fort Bend Falcon, but I could not for the life of me begin to write. The deadline for launching on 11/11/25 passed, then the 01/01/26 date. Third times a charm, eh? We did it, ma! 03/03/26.
As a proud land-locked Texan, it was lyrics from The Chicks that finally put it all into a tidy little perspective for me.
Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself
But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow
Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I’m gonna’ settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around
I’ve never done anything in the right timing or order. Like ever.
Make my bed? No. Finish college? No way. Be in relationships with men my own age? Nope! Move up to the next level of news reporting? Double no. Have children of my own? Nein. My plan was to get married at 45, maybe adopt teenagers in the foster system (which to be fair, I did kind of’ do that one.) I was always putting off the next step.
I grew up in a military officer’s household and a legalistic religious cult. You can naturally understand why I balk at authority and deadlines and hierarchal expectations. But as I began healing, I began to understand that many of my decisions were made out fear. Fear and an unhealthy ego.
It is why I stayed with a man who couldn’t love me properly. It is why I kept kicking the can down the road. I let other people’s fear seep into me. I let my own fear spiral into death grips on my reality. Fear dictated everything I did. Frankly, that was exhausting. I am not doing it that way anymore. 2026 is here and while I cannot say I am completely fearless, I am working on it daily. The Falcon is launched. Perfect? No. Launched, yes. And my other plans? Those will remain in the works. No regrets, no backing down, no fear.
Dearest reader, I applaud you for making it to the end of this self-absorbed editorial introduction and encourage you to move forward without the fear that often dictates the entirety of our lives. The more of us that do, the better the world gets. I truly believe that.
So…what are you putting off? They say fortune favors the bold. And while the world feels like an increasingly scary place, I think that is especially the time to let go of fear and go after what we truly desire. Who is with me? If God is, then who can be against me? Who can be against us?
All my love,
All my light,
All my best,
Jess